3 Types of Listening

What are three types of effective listening?
1. Paraphrasing: To paraphrase, one simply rewords what another individual has said. For example, the speaker might say, "She was foolish to quit her job." The listener might respond, "I hear you saying that you believe she shouldn't have quit." What has occurred is paraphrasing where the listener has clarified what the speaker has said.
2. Open Questions: An open question explores a person's statement without requiring a simple "yes" or "no" answer. The basic difference between an open question and a closed question is what they provide the person being asked. When you are asked an open question it helps you think more about an issue. A closed question will not do that. It may force you to answer before you are ready, or require a "yes" or "no" answer that doesn't allow more thinking about the issue. Closed questions close the door on further thought, while open questions open the door. For example, the speaker might say, "I don't like my job." The listener might respond, "What about your job don't you like?" or, "Tell me more about your feelings regarding your job."
3. Feeling Reflection: Feeling reflection is a response in which you express a feeling or emotion you have experienced in reference to a particular statement. For example, the speaker might say, "I get sick of working so much overtime!" The listener might respond, "I hear you feeling angry and resentful at being asked to work so much overtime." Feeling reflections are perhaps the most difficult active listening responses to make. Not only do you actively listen to what is being said but also you actively listen for what is being felt. When you make a feeling reflection, you are reflecting back what you hear of another's feelings. It is similar to paraphrasing; however, you repeat what you heard them feeling instead of what you heard them saying. To understand what individuals are feeling, you must listen to their words, to their tone of voice, and watch their body signals. By observing all three you can begin to guess their feelings.
* Listen carefully so that you will be able to understand, comprehend and evaluate. Careful listening will require a conscious effort on your part. You must be aware of the verbal and nonverbal messages (reading between the lines).
* Be mentally and physically prepared to listen. Put other thoughts out of your mind. Your attention will be diverted from listening if you try to think of answers in advance.* You can't hear if you do all the talking.
* Think about the topic in advance, if possible. Be prepared to listen.
* Listen with empathy. See the situation from the other's point of view. Try to put yourself in their shoes.
* Be courteous; don't interrupt. Take notes if you worry about forgetting a particular point.
* Avoid stereotyping individuals by making assumptions about how you expect them to act. This will bias your listening.
* Listen to how something is said. Be alert for what is left unsaid.
* Make certain everyone involved gets an opportunity to voice their opinions. Don't let one person dominate the conversation.
* Face those you are talking with, lean slightly forward and make eye contact. Use your body to show your interest and concern.
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14657-improving-listening-skills/

Reasons to Listen

Reasons to Improve Listening Skills* To avoid saying the wrong thing, being tactless
* To dissipate strong feelings
* To learn to accept feelings (yours and others)
* To generate a feeling of caring
* To help people start listening to you
* To increase the other person's confidence in you
* To make the other person feel important and recognized
* To be sure you both are on the same wavelength
* To be sure you both are focused on the same topic
* To check that you are both are on target with one another
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14657-improving-listening-skills/

I hear you...

 Oprah Winfrey said, "I see you, I hear you and what you say matters."

She is one of the most powerful communicators.  People who would not interview with anyone else were willing to talk to Oprah, because they felt she would listen to them.

Are you listening?

Forgiveness

Being understanding of another person's feelings, and really LISTENING to them, can preserve a relationship.

Clarifying Phrases

These phrases will help you better understand someone.  It can also lead you into helping someone change their behavior.
Could it be that...
I wonder if...
I'm not sure if I'm with you, but...
Would you buy this idea....
What I guess I'm hearing is....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but.....
Is it possible that...
Does it sound reasonable that you...
Could this be what's going on, you....
From where I stand, you.....
This is what I think I hear you saying....
You appear to be feeling...
It appears you...
Perhaps you're feeling...
It appears you....
Perhaps you're feeling....
I somehow sense that maybe you feel...
Is there any chance that you...
Maybe you feel.....
Let me see if I understand: you.....
Let me see if I am with you: you.....

Communication "Leads"

In order to communicate well, we often have to clarify.  Gaining an understanding for another person's perspective can mean talking to them about what YOU are hearing them say.  Try the following sentence starters when communcating with someone about what they feel:

You feel......
From your point of view.......
It seems to me that you.......
From where you stand....
As you see it....
You think.....
You believe.......
What I hear you saying......
You're feeling____________because of (action)_____________........
I'm picking up that you....
I really hear you saying that.....
Where you're coming from.....

When you reflect back to someone what you are hearing, they feel validated (i.e. you care about them and understand them). 

Lego Listening

Objective:  build communication skills.
Materials needed:
Legos or other building blocks.  There must be enough to allow each pair to have the same amount each (at least 10 blocks per person- each individual in the pair has the exact same blocks as their partner)
Activity:
Divide the group into pairs.  Each pair sits back to back.  Each person has a set of LEGO blocks- the two sets must have the same number, size and color blocks.  One person makes a shape with their blocks without showing it to the other person.  He/ she describes to the other player how to build the same design.  The builder can only answer yes or no, and cannot ask questions of the person who is describing how to build the block design.  Once they are done, the pair can compare both designs and see how closely they resemble each other. 
Ask the class:  How does this activity apply to your relationships?  How does this activity apply to school?  What can you do to improve your listening skills? 

Believe in Yourself

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."-Ghandi