Holding a grudge is unhealthy...

Still holding grudges? Check your pulse: research suggests that harboring feelings of betrayal may be linked to high blood pressure which can ultimately lead to stroke, kidney or heart failure, or even death.

In a study exploring the effect of having a forgiving personality on both psychological and physical stress responses, University of Tennessee (UT) students discussed two betrayal experiences—by a parent and by a friend or romantic partner. As they spoke, researchers measured their blood pressure, heart rate, forehead muscle tension and skin conduction responses. The results, presented at the 2000 American Psychosomatic Society Annual Meeting, showed that "high" forgivers—those who forgive easily—had both a lower resting blood pressure and smaller increases in blood pressure rate than "low" forgivers—bigger grudge-holders.            

Talking about betrayal can make anyone's blood boil, says Kathleen Lawler, head researcher and psychology professor at UT, but forgiving transgressions appears to promote better overall health: High forgivers reported fewer physician visits for physical ailments. "Forgiveness might enhance health by reducing the excessive physiological burden that comes with unresolved stressful experiences, like the hurt and offense attributed to others," she explained.
Forgiveness requires good social skills, she adds. High forgivers seemed more empathetic and warm, expressing more positive emotions toward others—including those who hurt them. "Some people seem to have better skills for maintaining satisfying relationships, and one of those skills is forgiveness," said Lawler. If so, then building social skills like empathy and communication may facilitate forgiveness.
For more begrudging types, Lawler suggests taking a few crucial steps to facilitate forgiveness:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog
• Face the pain. Experience the emotions that betrayal generates rather than deny or avoid them.
• Put yourself in the wrongdoer's shoes to better understand what motivated his/her actions and to build empathy skills.
• Choose to forgive. Muster all of your strength to let go of an offense so you can move on.

Steps to forgiveness

The following website illustrates 12 steps to forgiveness:

Have you class read through the 12 steps, pick one that they think is the most important, and prepare an argumentative paragraph on why that step is the most important.

http://www.wikihow.com/Forgive

A Story of Forgiveness

LANCASTER COUNTY, Pa. -- It’s been seven years since Terri Roberts' life changed forever.

In October 2006, her 32-year-old son Charlie walked into an Amish school in Lancaster County and shot 10 young girls, killing five of them before killing himself. 

 

 "I heard the sirens and heard helicopters," Roberts said. "My phone was ringing and it was my husband and he said, 'You have to get to Charlie's right away.' And I looked at my husband with these sunken eyes, just saying, 'It was Charlie.'

"It could not be," she said, shaking her head and with tears in her eyes. "It truly was. It was our son."

Roberts' initial reaction was that she had to move away. But the Amish came to her the night of the shooting to say they wanted her to stay.

Two girls died overnight after being shot in an Amish school in Pennsylvania, bringing the number killed to five. As Drew Levinson reports, it co...

 Some of the victims' families attended her son's funeral.

"There are not words to describe how that made us feel that day," said Roberts.

"For the mother and father who had lost not just one but two daughters at the hand of our son, to come up and be the first ones to greet us -- wow. Is there anything in this life that we should not forgive?”

Roberts now shares this message with those who have experienced trauma. And every Thursday, she cares for the most seriously wounded survivor of the shooting, who is now 13. 

“I find what Terri does with that little girl an incredibly moving event.  It takes me to tears every time I talk about it or think about it,” said Krayhill.

 "You have this mother who raised a son who did this horrific damage to this young woman and the mother has the courage and spiritual fortitude to come back and care for this young woman, and the parents of the young woman welcome her into their home. It's a powerful, powerful story."

Asked what she would say to the families of the school shooting victims killed in Newtown, Conn., one year ago, Roberts said: "There is always hope. To walk into the future knowing each day has something that we can be thankful for, and not to live in the sorrow 24-7.

"Ask new things into your lives, new things to focus on," she said. "That doesn't take the place of what is lost. But it can give us a hope and a future."

A future only made possible by forgiveness. 

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/mother-of-amish-school-shooter-shares-amazing-story-of-forgiveness/

 

Forgiveness

"To err is human; to forgive, divine." - Alexander Pope 

Alexander Pope (21 May 1688 – 30 May 1744) was an 18th-century English poet, best known for his satirical verse and for his translation of Homer. Famous for his use of the heroic couplet, he is the third-most frequently quoted writer in The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations, after Shakespeare and Tennyson.^[1]

-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Pope



Forgiveness

"Those who cannot forgive others break the bridge over which they themselves must pass." -Confucius

Simple Steps:
*Forgive from the heart first.  If you can find it in your heart to forgive, you can express it later in words or actions.
*Don't "hold" a grudge.  Think of a grudge as a five hundred-pound monster.  The effort required to hold it is enormous.  Write the feelings for your grudge in a letter, then toss it into the fireplace.  You'll feel more powerful than the beast itself.