Bullying- Relational

Why Bullying Continues...
Relational bullying is something that is difficult for persons outside of the bullying circle to detect because of the hidden style (it's not physically obvious), but why don't children do anything about it? Why, if they're being bullied, don't they make different friends , or tell an adult? The main reason why is that children are often afraid of being alone. Being lonely as a child is often scarier than having to friends at all, even if those friends are bullies. Children are often bullied by the same people whom they call their friends and they will put up with some taunting and conditionality of a relationship, just to have friends. Even if they talk to an adult, it's often hard to figure out who is doing the bullying, because it can easily be a group of people actively or passively participating in the act.
There are a lot of ways that relational bullying occurs, but where do children learn to act relationally aggressive? Sadly, the most prominent displays of relational bullying are seen in the home. Children either watching siblings or parents, may model the behavior they see and bring it to the playground. If relational bullying is observed in such forms as gossiping about neighbors, using the silent treatment, or making love conditional, children may interpret that type of aggression as an appropriate way to communicate and to relate to other persons. Children may also see their peers participating in this bullying, see it as successful, and decide that it's in their favor to follow the example of their peers.
Relational bullying is obviously a very big problem, and the best thing to do about problems such as this is to prevent them. There are many different types of school interventions, but you as a parent are capable of providing your own personal prevention program:
Ways to Prevent/Repair Relational Bullying
1) Have multiple social groups:
One of the simplest prevention strategies to assist your child in avoiding the damage that comes from relational bullying is to establish multiple social circles in which your child participates. Whether your child is participating in a church youth group, a sports team, or in an art class, these different sources of social interaction allows a child to establish worth on more than a scholastic social network.
2) Model appropriate behavior:
Modeling appropriate behavior is probably one of the most vital things in the prevention of relational bullying. If negative behaviors in families (like gossiping and love conditionality) promote negative behaviors in children, it seems that positive behaviors in families would promote positive behaviors in children. Make sure that your family has established a communication pattern of kindness and inclusion. The phrase "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything as all" is commonly used in families to teach children that kind words are the only words that should be spoken one to another.
3) Talk to your child about empathy:
Just as you should model appropriate behavior to your children, you should talk to your children about good pro-social behaviors, the most important being empathy. Empathy, or feeling and understanding another persons' situation, can be a huge deterrent to relational bullying.
4) Talk to your child about bullying:
Using a direct approach and talking to your child about bullying is also an important way to help stop the bullying cycle. You and your child can develop a game plan on what to do if they're being bullied or if other people start bullying someone else. Something simple as walking away or saying "this isn't fun, lets go play a game" can be an easy way to prevent your child from being a part of the bullying cycle.
5) Teaching forgiveness:
Forgiveness is a key component to breaking the cycle of relational bullying. Things like gossip, taunting, and stonewalling, usually occur because someone has held a grudge. If your child learns to forgive other they'll be less hurt by victimization, and less likely to find reasons to bully others.
6)Developing a strong sense of self:
Finally, helping your child develop a strong sense of self can be the most important factor in dealing with relational bullying. If your child is capable of feeling good about him or herself then they'll be less hurt by bullying and less likely to bully as a means for group approval.
Relational bullying is an important issue to address with your children. By understanding and learning more about relational bullying, you as a parent can be more capable of preventing it and repairing issues that may have already occurred. As a parent, your example is very important for displaying appropriate relationships. Remember to watch how you interact with others, and how you talk about friends and neighbors when they're not present. Also, help your child to develop a strong sense of who they are to deter any negative feedback they receive in a social environment. These things will help foster a positive outlook for all children and could prevent the cycle of relational bullying from continuing.