Healthy Love- Development of self first (you know who YOU are and what you are about).
Unhealthy Love-Obsession with relationship.
Healthy- Room to grow, expand; desire for the other person to grow.
Unhealthy- Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love (may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness).
Healthy-Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.
Unhealthy-Total involvement; limited social life; neglected old friends, neglected interests and hobbies.
Healthy-Encouragement of each other's expanding; secure in own worth.
Unhealthy- Preoccupation with other's behavior; fear of other person changing.
Healthy- Appropriate trust
Unhealthy- Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition.
Healthy- Compromise, negotiation, or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.
Unhealthy- power plays for control; blaming; passive aggressive manipulation.
Healthy- Embracing each other's individuality.
Unhealthy- Trying to change other to own image.
Healthy- Relationship deals with all aspects of reality.
Unhealthy- Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.
Healthy- Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependant on other's mood.
Unhealthy-Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.
Healthy- Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go)
Unhealthy- Fusion (being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings).
Healthy- Ability to enjoy being alone.
Unhealthy- Unable to endure separation; clinging.
Healthy- Cycle of comfort and contentment.
Unhealthy- Cycle of pain and despair.
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