F.E.N.C.E.S.-bullying strategies for adults

1st Step: Stop, or END the Bullying:

• Stand between the children who bullied and those who are victimized, preferably blocking eye contact between them.
• Set ground rules for all participants. e.g. "I want you to stand here while I talk.  I want you to listen and not talk."
• Don't get into a verbal or physical confrontation with any student, send bystanders away, sort out facts now.

2nd Step: Support the children who have been bullied in a way that allows him/her to regain self-control and to "save face".

• Stand close to the child who has been bullied and make minimal eye contact-just enough to gauge emotions.  Physically comfort the child, but avoid embarrassing them.  Be sure to follow-up by seeing the child later and take measures to protect the child from further bullying or retaliation.
• Don't get in the "child's face" if they have been bullied.  Ask the victim to repeat what happened and offer a lot of sympathy right then, wait until later.

3rd Step:  Name the bullying behavior and refer to the school rules against bullying.

• State what you saw-heard; label it bullying; state that it is against the school rules e.g. "Leaving someone out of the game is exclusion and is against our school rules about bullying."  Use a matter-or-fact voice to point out which behaviors are unacceptable.  State your personal feeling about the behavior.
• Don't accuse simply state the facts.  Don't engage in a discussion right now.

4th Step: Empower the bystander with information about how to act in the future.

• Use a calm, supportive tone of voice to let bystanders know that you noticed their interaction or that you are pleased with the way they tried to help-even if they were unsuccessful.
• Give bystanders a way to save face, "Maybe you weren't comfortable saying something right then, or didn't know what to do."  let them know you are disappointed that they didn't do anything and that you expect them to intervene next time or get an adult if they need help.
• Don't scold bystnaders for not getting involved.  Don't ask bystanders for explanations at this time.

5th Step: Impose immediate and appropriate consequences for students who bully others.

• As a first step, take away social opportunities from students who bully (as much as your role permits).  Let the bully know that you and other adults will be watching carefully to make sure they are making better choices in the future.  Be sure to notify the teachers of the bully and victim(s) about what happened.
• Make sure consequences are logical and directly connected to the offense.  As a second level consequence, consider having the child who bullied notify their parents and or the teacher of the victimized child.
• Don't require student to apologize during the heat of the moment.  Don't scold.  Don't make a plan of reparation at this point unless the victim requests it.

6th Step: Follow Up...Impose additional consequences or means to make reparation as appropriate.

• Find out what would be meaningful to the victim and help the bully put the plan into action.
• Be sure to supervise, or assign an adult to supervise all steps of the process.
• Bring the victim and bully together for reparation unless requested by the victim.

(Olweus, 2006)